(Almost) Handmade Outdoor Pillows!

My brother and sister-in-law laughed really hard when I told them I wanted a sewing machine for my thirtieth birthday (seems like it was yesterday).

When I told them I was serious, there was an awkward pause.

Then they laughed even harder!

Actually, they might still be laughing. They did give me the Sewing Machine for that birthday though. Oh, how I love it! And I've put to good use since then! Really, Halloween costumes, drapes, curtains, bed sheets...

Anyone else wide awake in the middle of the night out there?...

Seems like every other night - at least! - I'm wide awake at 2 am in the morning. Making lists, remembering to iron shirts, being mad at myself for still not getting gift cards for teacher appreciation day.

I don't know what's up with that. I'm sick of it! Aren't you?

I vaguely remember sleeping pretty well in the era knows as "Before We Had Kids." Oh, those were the days... We could watch R rated movies whenever we wanted and go to bed at 12. PM or AM. Oh yes, we could! We woke up pretty refreshed, too. My husband used to leave the house at 10 to go to work. I had a more civilized schedule, and had to be at the office at 8:30. Unbelievably, I made it every morning. Well most mornings anyway.

Best Book In My Life. So Far, Anyway ;)

Big Magic

The best book I've read in my entire life. I'm damn serious.

I probably can’t write anything that could do this book the justice it deserves. Thank goodness this book doesn't need me to do it justice! And in the spirit of this book, I absolutely had to write this review.

So, yes. Best. Book. Ever.

But first, let me trace back to a huge mistake I made a few years ago.

Post-Fight Lemon Drops

First, you need to have a fight with your daughter(s). If you don’t have a daughter, a son will do. If you have both (or a few of each), choose (or fall into) any combination of your kids to fight with. Typically, you won’t have to do too much here, fights with kids seem to materialize out of thin air in an unexpected fashion.

After the fight, fume a little (a lot). Let both sides get ready for peace.

Then serve lemon drops as a peace offering.


Esalen is amazing.

It's supposed to be The Ultimate Yoga Retreat and The Sacred Place. It certainly is. Even for a lamie like me. Don't get me wrong - I do yoga. I mean, who doesn't?! It's the 21st century, everybody does yoga and you don't want to be judged. Especially if you live in a tolerant, diverse community, right?:) You should be spiritual yet not religious, you should practice single focus yet get tons of shtuff done, you should be tolerant, yet stand by your own truth. But I digress.

5 Quirky Gift Ideas for Parents

They say a book makes the best gift. I concur.

They say a quirky book makes the best gift for a quirky person. I don't know if they actually say that, but I double concur. If you have quirky friends who recently (or not so recently) became parents, these book ideas are likely to please them very much.

Kind of Meringues

Some people call it meringues. I call it a lazy Sunday afternoon.

So, I was making custard style ice cream. Coffee flavor, obviously.

And I had a bunch of leftover egg whites. Five, to be exact.

All of a sudden, the voice in my head mysteriously whispered “meringues....”

How to Traumatize Your Children! - A Handy Guide

They say knowledge is power. They also say ignorance is a bliss. So, basically, that means that you can find a good quote for any claim you make! Today, I proclaim the power of knowledge.

This little book taught me something. Seriously, for the short 144 pages, it’s packed with invaluable advice on parenting. It’s smartly disguised in grotesque sarcasm, which makes it that much more fun to read, and no less wise.

How to Eat the Healthiest Possible Way

So, with the abundance of diets for all tastes, it's time to start eating healthy. Or stop eating healthy, if you lost track of what's healthy and what's not. Or redefine eating healthy, if you are so inclined. Basically, if you feel like you've been stuck figuring out the absolute best diet out there, this guide is for you! I do hope you find it helpful. And that you have a sense of humor. If, however, you lack the ability to laugh at yourself, or if you have a serious health condition that requires doctor visits, prescription medicine, and complete elimination of certain foods - then I genuinely wish you to get better, and perhaps to stop reading. In the spirit of the strictest disclaimers, I feel obliged to inform you that this guide is for those of us, who are generally healthy-ish and have been caught in the modern day craze of healthy eating. So, let's tackle the ultimate diet challenge!

How to Fly with Kids (One Absent-Minded Mom's Advice)

Two kids, three bags, the documents, the wallet, and the phone. Husband said, just remember this, and you’ll be fine.

I tend to absent minded and I tend to freak out. So I repeated this mantra all the way to London.

Two kids, three bags, the documents, the wallet, and the phone. Two kids, three bags, the documents, the wallet, and the phone.

Then one of the bags was checked out, there was a sleepless night, two kids (alas, only half of them sleepless), and not enough coffee in the world.

How to Treat Parents on Planes

We've all been there: on a flight sitting a bit too close to a screaming kid. Wanting to scratch our eyes out - no, rather poke our ears, anything, really to stop this nightmare.

Have you been on the other end of this? As in, the exhausted parent trying to calm down their kid(s) before the whole plane kills you with disapproving angry stare? This is why we hate us... you think. And yes, that’s exactly true.

Strawberry Caramel Ice Cream

Sit your kids at the dining table so you can yell at them while making a mess in the kitchen.

Read the ice cream directions at least seven times, while being interrupted with math questions. Realize your math degree is useless when it comes to 3rd grade Common Core. Realize that the directions won’t really sink in this afternoon. Realize, you don't care for directions!

Chocolate Poopcakes… Cupcakes, I mean Cupcakes!

Even though these particular cupcakes look a lot like poop, they taste much better than poop! I have no idea what poop tastes like (no desire to find out either), but it is commonly accepted that poop does not taste good. Chocolate cupcakes, however, are delicious. Speaking from experience. The experience is described here.